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I am currently laying in my bed, my Lysithea (my new laptop) infront of me, and I am totally connected to the internet via my new wireless router! Is this joy or happiness?!?


I'm taking the evening to catch up with a whole plethora of wonderful weblos out there on the net!



I was just feeling how I am somehow not validating my future enough... hard to explain... it's something that's really come to my attention recently about a lot of things. There are all sort of longings I seem to have in my heart, but I keep failing to validate them!


I wrote a poem several months ago called "Everything is Everything". I thought it would be the ultimate vindication of this wisdom I had acquired... now it appears it was rather a consolidated beginning for a quest to express this truth. I seem to have integrated this truth sufficiently into my life that the longing is satiated, or rather satisfactorily nourished.


So this type of longing has hit me in various forms of late, and I feel like I have a dam building up inside of me, and I'm not letting enough through. The strongest example was when I recently kind of fell in love (and those who know me know I never really fall out). I was overwhelmed, trying to figure things out, doing this and that, here and there, between talking to friends, writing poetry, planning ways to express this love, etc. It caught up to me out of nowhere, though, until I almost bursted into terrible flames! I ended up having to do something! I did. And then I was okay. In retrospect, I might have been able to recognize the signs leading up to my near insanity.


So here I am with all these new longings! Tonight I'm back on my longing for the next three major steps in my life: I can't _wait_ to really start working on the play that I'm directing; I can't _wait_ to move in with my sister to strengthen the family, reconnect, care for my niece and nephew, continue my Performance Studies research, etc.; I can't _wait_ to be in the Far East teaching English, learning how strange my whole life has really been, slowing down, etc. I need to figure out how to validate this impatience - just like I need to validate my love for certain people, my passion for performance, and others. The latter is definitely an issue - I'm desperately pining for a means/venue to express my soul through performance...


I heard two really great things on this recently, actually. A fellow Baha'i artist confirmed that the dam-building process inevitably leads to a creative outburst that I can actually look forward to - and I do! Also, a woman who pioneered for the Baha'i Faith in China said that any Baha'i (anyone?) who goes pioneering _will_ have opportunities to use their talents. Both of these statements reassured me, but I still need to figure out some more, especially if one of my outlets is shaking and dancing and singing and screaming and tensing in my car... whoa danio!



I am so very very in love with Cirque du Soleil. I just can't stop listening to their soundtracks over the last several days! I can't _wait_ to go see Cirque du Soleil: Varekai next week with my friends!



We have our first workshop for the play tomorrow. two more this month, and then rehearsals start July 1.