Recent --- Aaaaaah! we did see Cirque du Soleil, and it was most excellent



I have a bit of a problem: I'm attending to most of my duties, but I must recognize that I have more on my plate than I can quite handle.


On the one hand, all is going very very well, especially because there is so much majesty and success in so all of the things I'm involved with. For instance, in the last day or so, we took a trip to Baltimore to see Cirque du Soleil: Varekai, with five people from Richmond; stopped at a cafe to eat and have a discussion of the experience, particularly with regards to "The Rose Knight" (which I am producing); we stopped in Cockeysville to visit with some friends at the "Youth Night" they were holding; had a reading of the first act of "The Rose Knight" with the passengers on the van ride back; I tutored a Ruhi Book 6 at 9AM (first one in the Richmond Cluster) through noon; attended a workshop preparing the performers in "The Rose Knight"; made a ton of phone calls all over the place to prepare these events; attended a dinner for Farther's Day, a graduation, a couple of birthdays, etc.; participated in our HUMMUS meeting (a monthly gathering of artists inspired by Baha'i and other texts and sources).


Because of such a schedule, however, I am two days late in posting on this weblo (I kind have a promise that I'll post at least once per week), and I am a couple of weeks behind in my personal e-mail (I kind have a promise that I'll respond to personal e-mails within one month). There's not much else I'm falling behind on, but I feel my commitments are a little compromised. But hey! this very compromise is serving to fulfill one of my duties right now! Funny how I don't really like talking about this concern, but I don't mind posting it to the public eye, isn't it?


And while I'm on things I don't like to talk about - I'm not sleeping enough. At all. I'm trying, but there's just so much I want to do all the time. I know that I don't really _have_ to do any of it. The world will be fine if I drop out here and there - or even everywhere. I definitely do get fully engaged in these endeavors, though, and it's nearly impossible for me to conceive of dropping something... Because of this, I'm very much looking forward to life in the Far East as an English teacher. I plan to make a specific point of living a slower-paced life for a year or so. It may be difficult at first, but I know I can be a very happy non-super-active man.



That said, I'm going to bed.

Complete --- I have a



I am currently laying in my bed, my Lysithea (my new laptop) infront of me, and I am totally connected to the internet via my new wireless router! Is this joy or happiness?!?


I'm taking the evening to catch up with a whole plethora of wonderful weblos out there on the net!



I was just feeling how I am somehow not validating my future enough... hard to explain... it's something that's really come to my attention recently about a lot of things. There are all sort of longings I seem to have in my heart, but I keep failing to validate them!


I wrote a poem several months ago called "Everything is Everything". I thought it would be the ultimate vindication of this wisdom I had acquired... now it appears it was rather a consolidated beginning for a quest to express this truth. I seem to have integrated this truth sufficiently into my life that the longing is satiated, or rather satisfactorily nourished.


So this type of longing has hit me in various forms of late, and I feel like I have a dam building up inside of me, and I'm not letting enough through. The strongest example was when I recently kind of fell in love (and those who know me know I never really fall out). I was overwhelmed, trying to figure things out, doing this and that, here and there, between talking to friends, writing poetry, planning ways to express this love, etc. It caught up to me out of nowhere, though, until I almost bursted into terrible flames! I ended up having to do something! I did. And then I was okay. In retrospect, I might have been able to recognize the signs leading up to my near insanity.


So here I am with all these new longings! Tonight I'm back on my longing for the next three major steps in my life: I can't _wait_ to really start working on the play that I'm directing; I can't _wait_ to move in with my sister to strengthen the family, reconnect, care for my niece and nephew, continue my Performance Studies research, etc.; I can't _wait_ to be in the Far East teaching English, learning how strange my whole life has really been, slowing down, etc. I need to figure out how to validate this impatience - just like I need to validate my love for certain people, my passion for performance, and others. The latter is definitely an issue - I'm desperately pining for a means/venue to express my soul through performance...


I heard two really great things on this recently, actually. A fellow Baha'i artist confirmed that the dam-building process inevitably leads to a creative outburst that I can actually look forward to - and I do! Also, a woman who pioneered for the Baha'i Faith in China said that any Baha'i (anyone?) who goes pioneering _will_ have opportunities to use their talents. Both of these statements reassured me, but I still need to figure out some more, especially if one of my outlets is shaking and dancing and singing and screaming and tensing in my car... whoa danio!



I am so very very in love with Cirque du Soleil. I just can't stop listening to their soundtracks over the last several days! I can't _wait_ to go see Cirque du Soleil: Varekai next week with my friends!



We have our first workshop for the play tomorrow. two more this month, and then rehearsals start July 1.

Close --- I've actually been doing a reasonable job making notes of my adventures, especially journaling my travels through New York, Ohio and Illinois, but I have been sorely remiss in my duty to this weblo... alas!


I will soon post these adventures up.



Right now, though, spotlight on "The Rose Knight"! It's going rather well, with a few theatre workshops coming up this month to ease the performers into their roles. On another note, I've been communicating with several artists, like fire-ball wielders, Africans dancers and composers, who have shown interest in participating. Therefore, I would like to invite any reader who might be interested in contributing something to the project, such as a song, painting, etc. to e-mail me! We're looking for a rich experience in this project! (If you don't have my address, post a reply, including your name, and I will receive an e-mail notification).



I saw Episode III of Star Wars in the theatres, and managed to watch Episode II as well, in preparation for the former. I really enjoyed them! I especially see a clear representation of the condition of the world today, and appreciate how it came full circle back to Episode IV in a mostly fluid manner.

Clay --- EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL!!


Love! I feel love everywhere! especially within! Truly, my God is an awesome God!


Zarasun, Orion and I just got back from a Baha'i conference for young adults. It was very nice, but unusually personal and internal for me - I habitually have all kinds of ways I wish to share my new experience and insights with friends, my home community, etc. This time, I took in a lot for just myself.



We have our first meeting for "The Rose Night" on Wednesday! Kyndra offered home and will cook us dinner!!! There's some extraordinary energy already gathered, and it can only get better - God willing. We've already got over a dozen of people interested in performing - we'll find out a little more where everyone fits at the meeting.



I'm kind of emotionally overwhelmed at the moment. I reached a similar point exactly one year ago: I was completely overtaken by intense emotions for two weeks, at the end of which I came to a new level of spiritual maturity, where I learned how to better cope with more consistently living in the moment... I'm thinking something similar might happen! especially with my travels coming up! I'll be driving around visiting friends and going through pioneer training (to prepare Baha'is who wish to serve outside their homes) in the midwest for some 10 days.

Touch --- The Ridavan play went up two weeks ago now. It was a great success. We pulled together in the end, and got help from bonus people - including my brother (close friend) Soup, who was visiting from California. Everyone had a great time, challenged themselves, and delivered a nice show. I had several visitors from my office, which was just delightful! So great to have friends to support me! There were also several friends that visited from Cockeysville (Baltimore area) and Norfolk, VA! Behnam and Martin are very good friends, and it was fabulous for them to drive all that way to see our play in Richmond. Also Will was visiting from DC. The afterparty was just fantastic! I think it's the first time I see 35 youth (mostly Baha'is) gather here in Richmond! We had a splendid time, with prayers, games (mafia, board games, video games, air hockey, foosball), fellowship, music, etc. last people didn't leave until around 4am!!



Soup had a great time visiting, as much as I had him running with me all over the place. He gave me a toy monkey. We hadn't seen each other in almost two years!



I bought a Toshiba laptop, got it this weekend, but I have to send it back cause speakers no work. It will definitely make a huge change in my life to have this new resource at my fingertips. Among other things, it will help me in my new role as recording secretary for the Local Spiritual Assembly.



I just went to my first Interfaith Council function on Thursday. It's a wonderful group, and they are dedicated to uniting local efforts among religious groups.



Shawn and I are still in the very beginning phases of our project, but we've made good headway. No doubt it will be an enriching and exciting endeavor to put on this play together. I'm meeting with the artistic director of the Firehouse Theatre tomorrow, so if you're reading this, maybe you can send a prayer, so we can maybe secure it as the location for our performance (this would truly be ideal!)



I got a new Nalgene bottle! They recently came out with a new model - it's so beautiful, makes me very happy.



We had a great time, my parents and I, having dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant last night. I was surprised at how pleased she was with the card I got her (Robbie and I spent some 20 minutes looking though piles and piles of pathetic or aweful greeting cards at Hallmark - I hope to not have to do that again for a long time - although it was evidently rewarding in the end...)



Did I mention Bjork rocks my world?

Vacation --- There is a reason for the lack of posts!!: I took a vacation! a vacation from everything! It was forced, in response to a sense that I've been a little too much on overdrive. The solution? take advantage of the 9th and 12th Days of Ridvan falling on a Friday and Monday to have a lax four-day weekend. What's in such a weekend? one might ask... lots of nothing! The first slow day was difficult and disorienting. I was confused, irritable - cranky even! But by nighttime, I was in the groove: I stayed up until almost 7:30A, mostly watching TV, hanging out with Orion, and playing some video games. The weekend went on like this, with lots of delightful nothing.



Of course, being a danio, danio did have a few things scheduled, including observance of the Most Holy period of the year (Ridvan is when Baha'u'llah proclaimed His Station as a Manifestation of God, and His Mission), a meeting with Shawn to work on the play that she's writing ("The Rose Knight" = provisional title) and that I'm directing/producing, a meeting with our monthly group of (mostly Baha'i) artists. This latter group finally has a name! It's called HUMMUS (Human Units Modeling Makind United in Spirit)

Colors --- Soup is here! He arrived Thu mid-day. So funny how time passes, and some friendships are unharmed at all!


He's a trooper, for sure, coming to two long play practices for two nights in a row! As of midnight last night, we're looking pretty good for today's performance. Altogether, there are about 15 friends I've invited who've said they'll be coming! Lovely!



I've been elected again to the Local Spiritual Assembly.


My move to Quebec in late August/early September is definite now. Charlotte has made arrangements with Guy-Claude (brother-in-law) for my food/lodging to be compensated, along with small monetary contribution. I will be responsible for my niece 3-5 days per week, as Charlotte resumes her PhD research, and I'll be helping with general tasks as well. I'll probably bring my car, which will be an added asset.


This is exciting for so very many reasons! mainly to strengthen our family bond, train me in the rearing of a child, and I will have some time to study, research, write, and try to get published in Performance Studies and related publications.



Since my next move is to go to Japan or South Korea, I've decided to work really hard on my go playing. This ancient Chinese strategy game is evidently _huge_ in these countries - sometimes they even televise competitions, with full commentary and all! I happen to love the game. Robbie and I play semi-regularly, we have those monthly "Sushi & Go Nights", Rob is very practices and can keep teaching me techniques, and even Shawn has recently taken a liking to it! It would be a good social "in" if I move to the Far East.

I wrote this on 4/11, I think:


Clasping --- Saturday was a day. That's for sure.


It's quite a long story, but to keep things short, I had to face many challenges, not the least of which was having to decide to give up on going to the Tori Amos concert I've been anticipating for over a month, and wishing for for much longer than that. Play practice was most of the day on Sunday, and there was no way I could do both.


It got to the point on Saturday, then, that I was completely overwhelmed, shaking, and struggling to get through each next moment without fainting (I might be slightly exaggerating). The good news is that I came out on top, stronger, and happier (although my mood was sketchy at best for the rest of the day).



Saturday was also the day we went up to Cockeysville (right outside Baltimore) for the Youth Night up there. This month we had 8 people (down from the 12 we had expected). Next month there will most likely be more still, since it's been so much fun, and the word is spreading.


More importantly, though, the Richmond youth are getting to see a bit more of each other! So on April 23, the opening evening for the musical I'm directing, in addition to the show, dinner, music and dancing, we're having a youth after-party! Our friends from Baltimore are planning to join us (despite having a Core Curriculum training that weekend!). Also, Martin Kerr will be coming with half-a-dozen friends from the Norfolk area. I'm also inviting a couple of friends from the DC area, and if we're REALLY REALLY lucky, Soup will come out to visit too!


Anyway, play rehearsals have been going well, and everybody's very excited!



Shawn showed me a new scene she wrote for the play she and I will be putting on this summer. We determined we want it to open mid-August. Then I can move in with my sister in Quebec end August (I don't yet have the final ok, but that's the plan for now...) Anyway, the scene is just fantastic, and with every new piece I read, I've been getting more thrilled. It's really going to be amazing.



I read Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet" over the weekend. Wow. I am blown away. I was hoping to read it at the Just Poetry Jam last night, but I caught up with sleep instead.



The PSP (Sony's "Playstation Portable") is one of the sexiest things I've ever seen! I would really love one, but will probably never purchase it... Orion and Robbie were playing each other in "Lumines", a tetris-like puzzle game, on the way up to Baltimore. I've played it once, and loved it! My mom is setting up to get herself one as well (although she's still having a blast with her DS and all her gameboy games...)

Averages --- I've really been enjoying work this week! I'm usually luke-warm about it, except when I manage to focus on the idea of service long enough to feel good about what I'm doing. This is the hardest job I've had, because the eventual service that is rendered through my work is difficult to perceive. So it turns out bussing tables for IHOP was a lot more fun for me. danio in an 8-5 office... funny that would be my most common job. My dad did that most of his life, until a few years back when he said enough is enough and got a groundskeeping/landscaping job, which he enjoys today.



Brit pop... what an interesting phenomenon - so weird we get almost none of it here...



Soup will be visiting me from Cali next week, and he'll see the play too, so I'm super-psyched! plus my Baltimore friends are coming down, and Martin and a few of his friends from Norfolk, and maybe one or two from DC. Wow! Funny that I'm not really worried about the play. We're performing in less than two weeks, and we're really not ready! It'll be what it'll be, and that's that.

Sinner --- before I discuss the movie "Sin City", know that I am not recommending the movie to anyone - that would be far too risky a recommendation.

The "funk" from my last post was helping to prepare me for seeing this film. It's a stylized (mostly black & white, with comic book effects) representation of the ultimate city of sin.

The characters are corrupt politicians, perverse cops, prostitutes, thieves, rapists, killers, drug addicts, etc. and that's putting it as mildly as I can imagine

Needless to say, it was a horrendously difficult movie to watch, especially for a danio. I only saw it because I was with friends and didn't know anything about it (and somehow the title didn't dissuade me)

Although I left the theatre disturbed, shocked and worried, some hours having elapsed, clarity seems to emerge, strangely. I'm started to wonder if all of that sex and gore was really so gratuitous.

You see, the problem is that, even though the protagonists were trying to do good, they were, by most standard respects, bad people. Except that I've been thinking the opposite now: even though they were bad people, they were trying to do good. So even if the "heroes" lied, killed, and otherwise abused others in disturbing ways, the image that remains is that of their inner light, their struggle to overcome all adversities, including those imposed by their own selves.

It really feel that in the end, what stands out in this bleak and depraved world depicted here, it's the distant, glimmering spark of light that retains its resonance, especially in the face of such looming odds. This could be due to my own perspective, but it's at least in part, if not entirely, the goal of the creators of this movie.

We live in such a dark time that it takes a movie that gruesome to hint at the atrocity of our current world.

These two quotes from the Baha'i Writings hint at a similar theme:



"All that are on earth shall pass away, while good deeds alone shall endure; to the truth of My words God doth Himself bear witness." (Baha'u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 44)



"Shouldst thou step a little way into the worlds of severance, thou wilt testify that no day greater than this Day and no resurrection mightier than this Resurrection can be imagined, and that one deed in this Day is equivalent to deeds performed during a hundred thousand years -- nay, I ask pardon of God for this limitation, because deeds done in this Day are sanctified beyond any limited reward." (Compilations, Baha'i Scriptures, p. 37)



For many years I have struggled with my own humility, as mentioned in my previous post. It is always the case that by just shifting my perspective, I realize that I am no better - in fact, that I am much lesser - than those I come in contact with throughout my life. For they are struggling much more than I am, in many cases. This is why I am never in a place to judge. But how do I live in a way that reaches upward toward the standards set by my Lord without putting up barriers between myself and others? Why are none of my friends or even acquaintances thieves, prostitutes or killers?

God alone can soften my heart, so the battle is always the same: to make my heart the home of none other than God.

What a world we live in, which is both so perfect and so confused...

The Funk ---



How to fight off "the funk"

Some how, danio got overtaken Monday evening by a case of "the funk", as Jason put it - in other words, I was feeling kind of "down", as Liesel put it, or "un-madeline". Whatever it was, it was less than pleasant, and I'm still not sure why it happened. My best excuse is that I was "down" for the sake of being "down"...



The performance of "Home" went rather well, but since I went first, the audience was not settled, couldn't exactly focus or concentrate (this is always the case for the first performance or two), and I had just stepped out of the restroom... So I had a hard time connecting to the audience. I also got a rather poor score (one person did give me a 10). It dawned on me when I got home that I actually had some slight expectations, but they aren't clear. Generally speaking, I think I had this idea that I was putting more heart/soul than your average poet, that my message was clearer or more important. Basically I had not been very humble. This was flipped on me when the series of performances so blatantly displayed an incredible degree of openness, wisdom, love, dedication, sincerity and sacrifice.



So I was praying to God, searching for the strength to overcome these negative thoughts, and begging for assistance. Now, this is not an uncommon practice of mine: when I find ways in which I have fallen short of the standards destined for me by God, I pray for spiritual growth, cry some, sort things out in my head, and then get up to do whatever I've got to do next.



Well this time, what I had to do next was call Liesel back. She said "Are you ok? You sound a little down..."

"I'm fine", I said

"Are you sure?"

"I am a bit tired..."

"Oh, that might be it"

I thought for a second, "Now that you mention it, I may not be feeling so well..."

Shortly thereafter, Liesel mentioned that she is my friend, and I can call her any time I want if I ever need anything. This opened me up for talking about what I had just experienced and prayed about. Liesel, then, not only validated my state of being, but also gave me an opportunity to be weak! So I grabbed it! The next day I had a conversation about this with Robbie, who listened lovingly, and made comments which only a friend who knows me in and out can make; then I spoke with Jason, who mentioned that he was going through a "funk" very much like what I was feeling.



So!! in a matter of 36 hours, thanks to loving and encouraging friends, along with sincere prayer, I had overcome "the funk"! My visit with friends in Baltimore the preceding weekend had helped to strengthen me as well.



My goals for the next year-and-a-half or so include directing a play in Richmond, doing some kind of service or traveling teaching in Benin or Mali, living in Quebec with my sister Charlotte for a couple of months, teaching English for a year in Japan or South Korea, and moving to Martinique... We'll see how far I go with all of this...

Home --- this is the poem I performed (with some corrections, adjustments and embellishments not featured in this text version) at the Just Poetry Slam last night. I went first, which is always a nightmare...



You’ve never really known love until

You’ve seen your own eyes, so still

Reflected, brilliant, in your child’s gaze.

And in these eyes within that gaze,

The maze of your crazed universe is at peace

And love is all that remains.

I held my stare, scared that even this light might not tell me where to go

To extinguish all the pain, delusion and anguish that impaired me so…

But as I came to, I breathed my answer:

Maybe home is where



The sun was blazing in our backs

As we set sailing to the West,

And we left failures and solitude, sadness and all the rest

To build a home sweet home away from all the drone.

Bundled in a cozy blanket by the fire,

Hunting game and cutting chunky meat to dine on,

Jumping in and out of rivers, climbing tall branches

fixing small lunches, digging long trenches, taking our chances…



I just thought he’d been out berry picking…

There! He’s screaming, sinking, flailing!

I rescue him.

He’s cold, I hold him tight.

He panics, yells in fright,

“I don’t wanna go back home! I hate home! It’s cold and dark and empty!”

And in this moment, our bodies clutching,

I realize that my mind had devised a disguise

And divine that my heart should define the answer,

Love! Love is all we need, and I breathed,

Maybe home is where the heart is



Indelibly, I etched this mantra thick

And deep, the soul-filled air exuding strength.

And every moment stretched beyond a flick

And of sleep, hugs and kisses all, we drank.

I cooked for him, and sang for hime,

And gifts, games, walks, sights, love and more love,

I showered all on him.

Jumped around, acted a clown,

Gave him piggyback rides, matched his strides,

Whispered funny things in his ear, pretended to disappear…

No two days could stay the same.

My love for him is all I could claim.



They say it’s the worst pain anyone will ever suffer…

He lies there, frozen, neither dozing, crying nor posing.

As I hold him, tired and sinking, fire is dwindling, ire is swelling, I die and…

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!



Crass calamity, crafted infamy, blasted enmity,

The last ignominy of passed infirmity!

The fates be warned, awake and learn:

I fake a mourning to bait and fool you!

For now I see through it all!

Home is where the heart is given up!

Death and suffering is just math and cluttering;

One thousand deaths is a statistic, one death is a tragedy.

Call me bereft or sadistic – all that’s left is this strategy.

Laugh at me, clap for me, I don’t care,

All I see is you and me, him and her.

Surely you’ll understand why I have succumbed

And become comfortably numb…

The price of love is your heart – I am now debt-free!

The vessel has been emptied and turned upside down;

All grace and misery burn or drown as far as I’m concerned!

And if this gathering wishes,

This can be the end of my tale.



Why not!!

Why!!!

Because I’m empty!? What’s so wrong with being empty!?



I have heard the words, and now I see,

Empty though I thought I was, in truth,

I was full of thoughts of heresy

(What is more heretic and uncouth

Than conviction that I’m in control?)

Life was never where, but how I seek.

Souls are never solaced when unmoved.

All we learn from what our lives enfold

Comes from scorching heat and breaking cold,



For then alone we truly turn to the One…

The One we call the Friend,

The One we call beauty, transcendence, God,

What else?



So…

Maybe home is where the heart is given up to the One

Terrace --- How many times can someone have the time of his life?!?



Love is all around! Having the day off for Naw Ruz was beautiful! I just love having a chance to chant the Long Healing Prayer - it's the prayer that makes me feel the closest to God!



LSA on Wed was really awesome - it's incredible how much I feel the institution is growing! We got lots of challenges on our hands, for sure, especially for this new "Richmond Year for the Protection of Children", so I hope we will keep progressing at least as quickly as we have been. Choir was also very nice.



Thu Robbie and I were playing ping pong right next to another pair of cool cats, so we offered to swap and play each other. It turns out we're all around the same level of play, so it was extremely gratifying for all of us!





We had another play practice for "In His Presence" at the Connor home. We ate a delicious dinner together and moved on to a series of theatrical excercises I prepared, which they all seem to love to pieces! We're now sufficiently in tune to one another to move on to the very important step of lining up all the scene work and really putting this show together - only four more weeks!!! Prayers would be most appreciated. Just this morning I saw Niki's Easter musical about the life of Christ (Niki's my co-worker). It was so beautiful, powerful, and harmonious that I was crying pretty much the whole way through. It's so extraordinary to get the opportunity to connect to Christ my Lord in a new way! Niki is a wonderful singer! I'll have to make sure to incorporate some of the elements of spiritual integrity and collaborative energy that "The Borrowed Tomb" had!





I went to a special gathering of French-speaking people, organized by the Richmond French Club! Sherry and I were there together. It was such a very nice group of people! There was a great variety of experiences in the language, but one thing that really stood out for me was the open-mindedness of these people. Hanging out with a bunch of people who have traveled outside the country for extensive periods, and are actively engaged in learning about different cultures brought out again the contrast between the closed-mindedness and isolationist/compartmentalizing philosophy of this country and the outward-looking orientation that this age of humanity requires... watchou gonna do?



I've had still more dreams about Martinique and pioneering. I spoke with Ariana at the National Office of Pioneering, who helped me out with some steps of the process. I met with the LSA, too, to discuss my plans and get them to send a recommendation to the national office. I'm still praying for guidance and open to new opportunities, but my current status is "planning to pioneer to Martinique in the Fall". I'd like to produce/direct Shawn's play before I head out.





Well, we've done it again, with my friends in Baltimore... I am so extremely enamored of these beautiful souls. I honestly think about them all of the time! And every visit only strengthens my love for them... Nina's best friends, Caity, who is to a large extent the reason I got so close to the lot of them, was visiting town from New Jersey, so I took the opportunity to join them all. I got there mid-day Sat, and we had a scruptuous Indian lunch together, with fantastic chats on many spiritual matters. We visited an unusually snazzy vintage store, then I spent the bulk of the afternoon serving as Nina's personal assistant at the screen-printing lab. It was incredible! I learned every step of the process! Nina is an inspired and dedicated hard-worker!



Our evening program was probably as good as it could have been! For starters, we got together at Jacobs to make a big ol' dinner together, and sharing a most convivial fellowship. The gathering was composed of Jacob, Nina, Caity, Nikki, Ruth, Adarsh, Omid and myself - and Sally joined us later. It was a very intimate and comfortable group, which was exactly what we needed for what we were to do:



Poetry: after beautiful Arabic chanting offered by Caity, I performed "Home", which I am entering at the Just Poetry Slam tomorrow, then Caity shared a couple of her own pieces.



Energy: Nikki lead us in a session of energy-focus, where were learned to concentrate on our 7 chakras, and breathe in the energy of the universe (or, rather, be aware that we already do). This energy was first used to create a ball of energy between our hands, then we stood in a circle and passed the energy around. We were also all sharing how it felt to experience this energy, and learned from each other. It was fascinating tuning into the energy signature of each person!



Deepening: I had an idea on how we might all consult on how we can go about connecting ourselves to God by relating our personal experiences to "The Seven Valleys" - Baha'u'llah's exposé on the various steps along the journey of the soul, as it advances toward the Beloved.



At this point we had a session of singing many beautiful prayers.



The Nikki & danio Show! Nikki and I used our super power to perform a celebration of sponteneity.

Drastic --- Yo yo yo!! I had three dreams about pioneering last week! None of them told me where I need to go, though. I saw Alex Donote from Martinique. He was visiting here for a series of play that I was attending, so I asked him how the theatre scene was in Martinique, and found out general info about what's going on down there. In another dream I was trying to get into China, but they wouldn't let me in because I didn't have $4... There's one girl that got in for $1! I even tried sneaking in with my mad spy skills and my tight black suit (you should've seen how buff I was!), but I ended up at the same customs spot, and was denied again, so I ended up in the giant indoor park, walking around with friends and hearing about the birthing of pharaos ensuing from rape by a long haired pretty-boy. Then mages (members of "The Chamber") invaded the island, with war and magic, until one of them turned kamikaze at the top of the tower, and merged with the town chief into a giant dragon who went off to summon a "double-stunami". At this point, I went to the spot where the scary-faced, giant-jawed stunami was to hit except that Chrono (from the video game Chrono Trigger) hit the shiny jewel with his sword, which cancelled the tsunami. But right before the sword hit, since everything was in slow-mo except me, I got to check out the hotel lobby and other sets of the movie, which was kind of cool...



I'm not supposed to know, but my friend Sneha just declared (herself a Baha'i) last night, which actually made me cry for joy! I can't wait to visit them all (Baltimore friends) next weekend.



We had our first play practice for "In His Presence" on Saturday, which was a lot of fun, as well as highly encouraging. It's so amazing to work on a play that's explicitly spiritual in orientation!



I'm a gangsta!



Bea and Ralph Wiggins brought a CD of Brian's music (their son) to Feast tonight, which was really awesome! There are 5 CDs total, which I plan to purchase. He past... gosh... over six months ago now. He was the primary person to motivate me to learn to play myself! Some months ago I got to make him a hot meal, like he used to ask me when I'd go over to visit with him... I miss him.



Holy Smokes!! The Naw Ruz (New Year) party was super-radical! We had such a blast. The Cook family was sorely missed, though - their presence was very felt on the occasion last year. Our choir finally performed the beautiful song entitled "He Verily Loveth the Spot". It's got all kinds of overlapping parts and lyrics that make a surreal harmony, both intriguing and enchanting. We reportedly pulled it off alright. I danced, of course, showing this odd talent of mine to moved perfectly with the music, in an esthetically chaotic series of motions. One day I'll actually learn some kind of form dancing and further validate this talent...



Well, the Fasting period is over, and it was truly amazing. It's definitely still getting better every year, but I'm also still very aware that I have a lot to gain and learn from the true spiritual value of fasting. I had no trouble eating during the daytime today, though, especially that I had lunch at my favorite restaurant, down the street from my house, called Jumping J's Java. It turns out they get their veggies from this micro-farming place! plus they cook all of their stuff on location according to what goods they have; they've got the great fair-trade coffees, all kinds of international food and other products for sale; they play Putumayo's international music non-stop, and I just got a date with the server...



I read some Rumi at the Just Poetry Jam, which was very well received. I also read some lyrics from The Mars Volta, which expectedly went over all our heads. Plus I just finished the poem I will recite at the Just Poetry Slam (competition) on Monday. It's called "Home" and is pretty intense! I saw "The Forgotten" last night, which has several related themes - always cool when that happens. I also saw "The Incredibles" this weekend, which was exceptionally entertaining in its rich humor and tickling plot.



Robbie and I have been having a BLAST playing ping-pong, recently instituting mutual training, where we come up with excercises for each other to improve. These improvements have now become what we call super powers, each of us having developed a very distinct style.



At the moment, I'm thinking of going to Martinique, Mali, or China, but anything can still happen. It was definitely inspiring and helpful to have a pioneer to pray for each day during the Fast (several members of our communities had one or two pioneers to pray for during this period).



I finished my new d-Plan (a "spiritual transformation plan" which lists all the projects I'm working on at the moment, with lines of action to fulfill over the next period of time - generally 2-3 months)

Farmer --- Yippie!!! acceleration after acceleration, dear me dear me! I have almost doubled the number of weblos on my list of "to visit"s! This whole networking is fantastic!



So this whole directing a little play is moving slowly but surely. I've been in touch with just about all of the would-be performers, and we should be having just one or two practices per week between now and April 23, when it goes up. It's been just wonderful working with JoAn.


And Shawn has just done a major revision to the opening of her play, and I feel it's safe to say I really want to direct it. We've been dialoguing about it, and we'll be bouncing ideas back and forth, and most likely getting more serious about putting her play up after "In His Presence" is completed. Wow!



The poetry jam was great last night, and people really took to my performance of a Rumi piece. Great crowd, delicious coffee, beautiful words, and inspiration for the piece I'm preparing for the poetry slam in two weeks (competition).



Our visit up to Baltimore (actually Cockeysville, just past Baltimore) was just extraordinary. We were 7 driving up from Richmond, in two vehicles, for just one evening. It was a straighforward party at a Persian home, with lots of food, ping pong, foosball, hanging out, and lots of dancing (happy happy happy danio!) It's always so wonderful to see my friends up there. I got to see Nina, Ruth, Adarsh, Jacob, Sneha and Megan, and it brought such joy to my heart - especially a very spirited chat with Ruth, which lead to further thoughts and inspiration upon my return. The drive both ways was also fun, what with the energy of Shawn, Zarasun, Jasmin and David. Peter and Orion were in the other car - THE RICHMOND CREW ROLLS THICK!!



I once again substituted for the youth class at Baha'i school on Sunday, and we had a really good time. I bet it's a shocking change of flavor from when Steve Connor teaches!!



I've been studying "Perspicuous Verses", a passage where the voice of Revelation answers the questions of the doubters among men. It's fascinating and intriguing, and the text for one of the scenes in "In His Presence".



E-mail is incredible.



I still don't know where I'm going in the Fall. Summer plans are also very much up in the air, except for my week-long trip late May. Martinique? Congo? One of the many other French-speaking countries in Africa? China? Latin America? Where, oh where to go!? God willing I will receive guidance soon. And then I might still go to grad school if I'm accepted at Simon Fraser U in Vancouver.

Done --- I guess some of my posts are being lost... There doesn't seem to be any info about last weekend up... I went back up to Baltimore to see my new friends!!! There was a fantastic Ayyam-i-Ha. I've made a CD compilation for some of my friends, and was able to deliver some on time on this visit! I addition to Omid, Nina, Nikki, Adarsh, Ruth and Jacob, with whom I traveled to NEBY Fest, I met up with some of the other wonderful Baha'is I had met a few months earlier. Unfortunately, I was not able to meet up with my friend Sam from Anchorage (we both went to APU together). It was so wonderful a visit. We ate cake, hung out, and then danced danced danced - hard core! It was a packed house, and we were having ourselves a party! When I got up Saturday morning, I decided to stay to help Omid move his new couch into his dorm. That gave me the excuse of having lunch with my new friends again! I also met Sneha, who might put me into animation!



Yippie! I'm directing a musical! It's called "In His Presence", written by JoAn Martin (her and her family are a somewhat recent addition to our Richmond Baha'i community). It focuses on the lives of a few people around the time in April 1863 when Baha'u'llah revealed His Message and Station. It's so fantastic! and it involves a whole bunch of people from the community. I'm just kind of taking care of the dramatic part of the production, which will take place 4/22 I think... not much time! It was great working on it yesterday! Noel is a wonderful girl, and she and I spent a bit of time working on her motions for the song "I have wakened in Thy shelter".



The fast started on Tuesday evening. My favorite time of the year! We had a beautiful feast at Marions, for which I prepared the devotional portion. I had a delightful visit at Anita's home on Fri. She made a delicious dinner for us, and we chatted for a couple of hours. Two dinners at JoAn's home, actually - her husband Eddy cooks great food! Oh! and Thursday, after Robbie and I worked out, we went out to the Cheesecake Factory with Mishkin from Toronto - he's back in Richmond with a contract which keeps him in town on many weekdays. Wow! what a great restaurant! Wow! what great company!



Shawn, Rudy and I went out to play pool last night, which was a nice change of pace.



I'm working on my "d-Plan" - it's a personal plan which lists all of the main projects I'm currently working, updated every 2-4 months. I'm also working on my Individual Teaching Plan - to spread the Message of Baha'u'llah!



So I got the new Tori Amos album, The Beekeeper, and the new Mars Volta, called Frances the Mute. Both are exceptionally good! The Mars Volta is SO VERY CRAZY!



Everywhere, Love is All Around!

Longer --- So Thursday evening, upon escaping my last day of work for the week, I met up with Robbie. We went on a delicious escapade to a sports store to buy us some ping pong paddles! We frolicked and were quite joyous - and then we actually played ping pong! Later that night, we discovered the best sound for working out triceps (it's something like buoydeh buoydeh real fast, but it's difficult to transcribe...) We proceeded ot play a scrumptuous game of go, which went on for several hours.



Then... hahaha! Then! Then, we set off for our greatest adventure of the year (so far): Orion, Robbie and I left for Baltimore, where we picked up three more brilliant, warm souls, who accompanied us on our voyage to Stamford, CT, for the sixth yearly NEBY Fest!!! Oh, man, what a road trip! To our party were added the beautiful Adarsh (recently-declared Baha'i from India), Nina, and Ruth - all three Micah students. The latter we immediately named the Santa Maria, and Nikki, with whom we met up later, we named the Pinta! We had such a joyous time, the 6 of us. Santa Maria demanded my life-story, which I improvised for the riders, and then, each person in turn told her or his life-story, which provided splendid entertainment for most of the trip! (It was interrupted during the time we spent slaloming between steel train-track columns, terrifyingly gung ho vehicle, and positively oblivious pedestrians, within a small part of NYC.)



The two main reasons I had for attending NEBY Fest were (a) to see and meet Counsellor Stephen Birkland (there are two branches to the Baha'i administration: one is the democratically elected, which provides directives for communities, the other is composed of the "learned", including "counsellors", who are greatly deepened in the Baha'i Faith and are entrusted with the task of advising Baha'i institutions, communities and individuals - both branches sheltered under the wings of the Universal House of Justice), and (b) to expand my network of contacts - particularly performers and other artists. Both of these goals were exceeded: I had a dozen questions answered by Counsellor birkland's talk, I spoke with him personally and was infused with his regenerating energy, I met tons of people (artists and otherwise) and obtained contact information for several of them.



Many more wonderful things happened at this conference, making it altogether another addition to my collection of life-changing events. Highlights include live performances by Omnisoul and Vienna Teng, a talent show where Orion, Robbie and I each performed a poem, meeting up again with such wonderful souls as Omid, Sarah, Martin (who gave stupendous performances),Haley, Caity, Shin and Will, great dinners and lunches with different groups of friends, and even a bonus solitary time!

Of note also was my meeting with Nikki, an amazing friend I had met briefly in Baltimore, but who this time blew me away: her spontaneous, uninhibited, extravagant expressions of living exceed even mine. Never before had this central aspect of my personality been so fully reciprocated by a single individual. Hence, the two of us spent wonderful time dancing, singing, babbling, galavanting, etc. She ended up declaring her faith in Baha'u'llah on the second day of the conference, after investigating the Baha'i Faith for maybe nine months.



Over all, though, the majority of the experiences will never be told or relayed, as they continuously piled up in my mind, heart and soul, affecting the course of my life, and my perspective on existence. Perhaps many of these things... in fact, most likely many of these things will eventually be conveyed in the future performance projects I will undertake. - Speaking of which, NYU has been scratched from my list of possibilities, as my application was declined (it was a gamble from the start, as they only accept 40 students each year...)

Cancer --- Hey! where did my post from last week go?!?


I had a splendid dinner with my friend Anousheh Khalili tonight! Her new CD came out in December, so I got a few signed copies for myself and others, as well as a couple more for me to try and sell at NEBY Fest.
Yes! We're leaving for the NorthEastern Baha'i Festival on Friday, which should be a blast. Between Richmond and Baltimore, we're driving a good 10 or 11 people up to Connecticut! I'm very very very excited.




I went out clubbing this last weekend with Shawn and Rudy and his friend who was visiting from out of town. A couple of us are planning to go see Sasha up in NYU on April 1! That should be excellent. Plus Tori Amos might hold a concert in DC on April 6 (her CD comes out this coming Tuesday!).




Valentines Day turned out to be quite enjoyable! We had out "Sushi & Go" night, with a whole new set-up, and I got royally defeated. Plus I had most delightful phone conversations with three of the loves of my life!
Brie cheese works surprizingly well with other stuff on a sandwich, by the way.
Choir was awesome. I love the company. We're now working on a few songs, mostly for Ridvan (the commemoration of when Baha'u'llah publicly declared His Mission and Station).




On top of working out three times per week, Robbie and I have also picked up ping-pong again (a year-and-a-half wait since we were last able to play). The YMCA rocks.
Everyone's sick at work. It's a drag: the energy level is painfully low, but at least our new office space is nice, and I have my view (from several feet away) out the window onto the lake.




I've watched a couple of episodes of "Bleach", a recently-released Anime from Japan, which is fun, engaging, and deep, exploring among other things our relationship with the dead. Peter will be hooking me up with some more after my trip to CT.




What it is is what it is. Si six scies scient six cypres, six-cent-six scies scieront six-cent-six cypres. Si ton tonton tond ton tonton, ton tonton tondu sera. Quand ta tata tata ta tata, ta tata tatee a ete.

Everything is Everything



I wish to cry a truth from every mountain top,

Be free, be free, be free at last from its demands.



But no. Thinking it will be enough to go out merely belting from the top



of my lungs that

"EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHIN"

Is foolish drooling, sooner cooling than fueling mutual vision.

And so, these words.



Though I may look at this flower for its own solitary qualities,

The potent latent fragrance that it sends,

The failing health and ailments that it mends,

And how it bows and cowers in the winds,

All reflect the self-same beauty and the power of every flower,



proclaiming yet again that everything is everything.

'Cause if everything is everything, then each and every next thing is also everything.

This truth must be vindicated for me to reach the valley of contentment.

Oh, for the peace of knowing that "What is just is. What is just is."*



I've no choice

but to voice

without poise

but with noise

that EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING.

Like some vigilante banshee man who can't just rant his slanted rant but pants and pants a rancid chant of rampant slander!

Take a breath, but do not run.

I will speak 'til I am done,

And my words are lost to none.



A brother killed because he stands out,

Kept poppin' pills until he blacked out,

But all his thrills were just his last shout

Over the hilss to those on that rout,

To give'em chills and even cast doubt

In their minds, so that rhymes about crimes give'em time

To define the breath of death

That their brother left for them.



My bed sheets, of a green that may seem not to mean anything,

Are not clean, or obscene, nor, I deem, do they cling, neither sting;

They but lean, and thus seen do they mean everything!



For one soul I express all my love.

My dearest darling, you float far above

All the things of this world.

In fact, you are just like a pearl!

Then your love is all love - is this pearl - is the world...



I didn't cut my fingernails today... I even brought my fancy scissors home from work, and somehow now find no (or little) embarrassment admitting that I never use clippers - I guess 'cause it expresses my personality: ethical but practicle; slightly prim, but also slightly raw - kind of like the universe...



Morbid cataract clings renitent,

As Superficial acquiessence claims the insubstancial soul

Of a decrepit penitent;

A sordid reminder of the subjugating influence

Of a noncommittal attitude toward virtue

- Or even freedom.

And now he's dead, our

Profligate perspective posits

Posthumous excuses,

So we decline what the design prescribes,

Or redefine what the design proscribes.

Or do we.



Perhaps this truth is best expressed in Rumi's words:

"There is a strange frenzy in my head

of birds flying,

every particle circulating on its own

- is the one I love everywhere?"



I will now repeat the line

Until I hear someone say, "fine!"



EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING!



*I sing "What is just is" to the tune composed by the band Lamb, on their track, "Just Is".

Sweexteen --- I was in bed 16 hours last night!!! I'm going out to get some medication.

I'm definitely going to NEBY Fest this year for the first time (a Northeastern Baha'i Youth conference). And I already know of several other people who are going as well. I will soon post the poem I performed on Monday night. It was a huge success at the 3rd Just Poetry Slam, here in Richmond at the Firehouse Theatre. There were a few friends that came to support me and Robbie (who made his first appearance on stage with his own very successful piece). Many came up to me after the performance to compliment me and even ask questions or offer commentaries! I got a very high score, too - notably a 10.0 and a 9.9! Perhaps most importantly, I got to dialogue with some of the amazing poets that were there, and extend my network of artists quite a bit.