Stuck on Zen

Yesterday the people from whom I was buying my new phone cover asked me where I am from. Meiguo (US) is usually my shortest answer (when I can, I say US & Caribbean). The guy starting gesturing as if he had a gun, saying things I couldn't understand. Then the girl wrote, "war". The conversation continued until they had made it clear that I was a representation of a country that wars with other countries, where everyone has a "gun", including children in "school". I did my best to express that not everybody has a gun, that I certainly don't, that I love both the US and China, and that people are the same everywhere... I left with a most sour taste in my mouth. What could I say? There are so many horrors in this darkened world. Such despair. What else should they think? So much confusion. I weep for the sorrows of the human family, for whom hope seems so out of reach, unfathomable even... I guess that's why I'm here, to bring whatever light I can upon my path.

Today I yet again received the highest praise from the director of my school. She said she visited two schools. She said after less than two months, it's still too early for the schools to give reliable feedback on my performance, but teachers and school directors are most impressed with my teaching. She said she spoke to one person who has seen NewBeat teachers come and go for the last five years, and he said my teaching is exceptional. My director has shown that she is deeply grateful for my work. The truth is, I myself feel most grateful for my work! I have never loved a job like I love this job! I have never been so happy with the way I spend the bulk of my days! And interestingly enough, I am not at all flattered by her and others' praises. I gracefully acknowledge it, of course, but I am learning to not be susceptible to the praise and the scorn of people, except inasmuch as it espresses approval or disapproval from God. God alone is the master of my heart.

In "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", which I just finished reading, there was a striking concept (many many, actually, so we'll just look at one): if you different "One"s, then you have Many. In other words, if you look at Plato's "Good", Aristotle's "Truth", the Judeo-Christian God, or Lao Tsu's Tao, since they each the Essence and the Source of all things, of all of creation, they have to be the same. This is not a new concept, since many philosophies and religions claim that philosophies and religions essentially agree, but this new context made the claim seem more pragmatic, or logical. The author refers to it as "Quality", all-encompassing, undefinable. I highly recommend this book to your careful reading, by the way.

I just realized Tori Amos has a most beautiful song called "China", on her "Little Earthquakes" album. Very moving and thought-provoking.


I guess I'm not done talking about "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance". I want to talk about "stuckness". We are all familiar with the practice of meditation, of clearing one's mind to find peace, to gain better perspective, and to be able to better solve problems. If nothing else, we counsel each other to "sleep over it". If we just stop, think clearly, we'll make better decisions. Some of us also know that essential to meditation is the ability to calmly welcome unwanted thoughts as natural parts of our mind, allowing them to quietly move along to a resting place where they will not bother us. Some people envision these unwanted thoughts as screen shots or movie snippets, which sort of scroll across their field of vision. This practice is imperative, for if we try to battle these thoughts, we are at war with our own selves, so whichever side wins (the bad thought or the "controlling" "self"), we lose.

This practice is so crucial that for many of us, the bulk of our meditation is simply the practice of saying hello and goodbye to these endless stray thoughts, enjoying the few moments of clarity or nothingness or "bliss" in between. What Pirsig brings to the picture is an understanding of the beauty of "stuckness". Sometimes there'll be this ugly image, or maybe some Freudian invasion, which takes for ever to get rid of, or welcome, as it were. This can be very frustrating. This is very much the same if we're trying to fix a broken necklace, but our fingers can never get the right angle to close the gap, or if we're trying to fall asleep while stressed that we won't be getting enough sleep, or slaving over a weblo entry that won't come out right and is already way too long. The lesson is that the moment stuckness is the most propicious for growing, learning something new, changing our lives and becoming happier. Those moments of stuckness are more than just isolated annoyances - they are manifestations of our greatest need and potential for transformation. So when they occur, we can rejoyce, knowing what power lies in these moments.

This appreciation of stuckness, combined with a new integration of various other Writings surrounding my research on living a New Life, has truly changed my life, so that I much more frequently step back from the situation I am in for better perspective, instilling greater peace of mind and superior ability for problem-solving.

This better perspective is a big part of my goal to truly change my life as I integrate my new life in China. Everything has been so different here in Shanghai. What a home I have found! Praise be to God!

I watched Jim Hensons Company's "Mirrormask", knowing I would find a key for my life therein. I did, of course. This key, partially represented by an actual key in the story, is wonderful, but I haven't exactly found where to fit it. By the time I do, I fear the story of this key will have been lost to all but God, and maybe Javad, if I tell him the story, because it's a long road through the mazes in which I found it.

I hope that the meanderings of this entry reflect the simple fact that I am happy, and enjoying the new lessons in my life.