The Funk ---



How to fight off "the funk"

Some how, danio got overtaken Monday evening by a case of "the funk", as Jason put it - in other words, I was feeling kind of "down", as Liesel put it, or "un-madeline". Whatever it was, it was less than pleasant, and I'm still not sure why it happened. My best excuse is that I was "down" for the sake of being "down"...



The performance of "Home" went rather well, but since I went first, the audience was not settled, couldn't exactly focus or concentrate (this is always the case for the first performance or two), and I had just stepped out of the restroom... So I had a hard time connecting to the audience. I also got a rather poor score (one person did give me a 10). It dawned on me when I got home that I actually had some slight expectations, but they aren't clear. Generally speaking, I think I had this idea that I was putting more heart/soul than your average poet, that my message was clearer or more important. Basically I had not been very humble. This was flipped on me when the series of performances so blatantly displayed an incredible degree of openness, wisdom, love, dedication, sincerity and sacrifice.



So I was praying to God, searching for the strength to overcome these negative thoughts, and begging for assistance. Now, this is not an uncommon practice of mine: when I find ways in which I have fallen short of the standards destined for me by God, I pray for spiritual growth, cry some, sort things out in my head, and then get up to do whatever I've got to do next.



Well this time, what I had to do next was call Liesel back. She said "Are you ok? You sound a little down..."

"I'm fine", I said

"Are you sure?"

"I am a bit tired..."

"Oh, that might be it"

I thought for a second, "Now that you mention it, I may not be feeling so well..."

Shortly thereafter, Liesel mentioned that she is my friend, and I can call her any time I want if I ever need anything. This opened me up for talking about what I had just experienced and prayed about. Liesel, then, not only validated my state of being, but also gave me an opportunity to be weak! So I grabbed it! The next day I had a conversation about this with Robbie, who listened lovingly, and made comments which only a friend who knows me in and out can make; then I spoke with Jason, who mentioned that he was going through a "funk" very much like what I was feeling.



So!! in a matter of 36 hours, thanks to loving and encouraging friends, along with sincere prayer, I had overcome "the funk"! My visit with friends in Baltimore the preceding weekend had helped to strengthen me as well.



My goals for the next year-and-a-half or so include directing a play in Richmond, doing some kind of service or traveling teaching in Benin or Mali, living in Quebec with my sister Charlotte for a couple of months, teaching English for a year in Japan or South Korea, and moving to Martinique... We'll see how far I go with all of this...